Your relationship began off hot — you couldn’t take your mind (or hands) off him, and you had sex whenever you could (you vixen, you!). But, after a time, the number of late-night romps, lustful daydreams, and filthy text messages began to decline. What transpired? After they’ve been seeing one other for a time, most couples prefer to tone down new relationship sex. In reality, 10 to 20% of romantic partnerships in the United States are classified as “sexless” (which technically means the couple is having sex less than once a month or fewer than 10 times per year).
However, the reasons why you aren’t having as much fun as you used to may surprise you. Here are the ten most frequent sex drive killers — and how to overcome them — ranging from libido-lowering drugs to an overdose of technology.
You Are wrapped up in your own shit
It occurs, believe me. Work, family, and stress all get in the way. Then you realize you can’t recall the last time you embraced each other for more than two seconds. “Plan a weekend break for just the two of you,” the answer suggests. Ladies are more sexual when they are out of their routine and away from the stresses of home, job, and family. It also allows you to reconnect with each other and try something new and unusual, so increasing your emotional tie.
One of you is constantly stressed
Being under pressure might lead to a poor sex drive since you’re not totally present with your partner. To break out of that stress rut and into a sexy habit, keep a stress journal for a couple of weeks and determine what’s producing tension in your life. “ Writing things down will help you discover problems that are interfering with your sex life. (Think of deadlines, bills, family feuds, a lack of privacy or time, and so forth.) Reducing unnecessary anxiousness will assist you in getting your mind in the game and getting it on.
You keep your fantasies in lockdown
When a person’s requirements aren’t met by the type of sex he or she is enjoying, they may avoid it and seek pleasures from porn or dating services. While it’s entirely OK to keep certain desires hidden, be honest about the ones that are preventing you from feeling fulfilled or attaining the big O. You can’t expect your spouse to know you unless you reveal them your entire personality. “He’s not the proper partner for you if he doesn’t like what he hears.”
Your partner wants more sex than you do
Your lover appears to desire sex every day, but you believe that once a week is a plenty (or once a month, or maybe even less). Many women, especially if they are the ones with less desire, use their partner as a gauge for “normal” interest and feel something is wrong with them for not desiring sex as frequently. We do not, on the other hand, believe that the person with the greater degree of desire has a problem (i.e., we do not inquire, “Why do you want so much sex?”). We appreciate sex as a society and believe that desiring a lot of it (if you’re an adult in a relationship) is good and healthy.
You know what you like; you just don’t know how to ask for it — or you think your partner should just know.
Some of us imagine sex as it appears in movies: Two lovers get perfectly in sync with one another, knowing precisely when and where to have sex and how to touch and satisfy one another, and then they explode in a simultaneous, mutually delightful explosion.
That is not the case in real life. Sometimes a sexual position that felt nice the past time doesn’t feel so good the second time. Or we need a bit more oral sex before we go in, while other times we just want to get straight in. Or we want to be on top for a little period of time. Communication about our changing wants and preferences is essential for sexual fulfillment.
Every woman’s sexual experience is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all method for increasing sexual desire. Some women have sexual desire difficulties that go far deeper than what is discussed in this piece (for example, sexual abuse histories, physical and hormonal changes associated with early menopause, harmful relationship patterns that cannot be solved by having more sex, and so on). Seeking psychological therapy might be a good alternative for such women.